My Adventures in the World of Twilight!
by kbbaby2123
Summary: I enter the world of Twilight, doing what I want, to who I want! All heck will break loose. Results in mild/moderate humor. Please R&R DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING FROM TWILIGHT. I ONLY OWN KBBABY2123, because that's me!
1. I throw up on Mike

Hi, I'm kbbaby2123~ I decided to go to Forks and enter the Twilight world, and I basically f**ked up the whole place!!!!! First, I decided to go see Fig- I mean, Mike, Newton and have my way with him~ Here's how it happened...

I was walking down the halls of Forks High School just as the day began, and I bumped into Mike Newton.  
"Hey, you're the new girl, aren't you? I'm Mike. Newton. You're... Wait, who are you?"  
"Um..........Bella Swan?"  
"You've changed a lot since I last saw you, Bella. I thought you were out with a stomach bug, or something."  
"Maybe I snuck out and came to school."  
"No offense, but you've let yourself go. A LOT."  
"I know I have. Maybe it's because I've been resisting the urge to barf all morning, and it's making me look fat."  
"Wait, why have you been resisting the urge to barf?"  
"So I could come to school, dumbass."  
"I would've thought that your precious EDWARD would keep you home just because you look so awful."  
"EDWARD? I HATE HIM!" Mike made the O.o face.  
"But you two have been dating for quite a while now, haven't you?"  
"I broke up with him."  
"But-"  
"Guess what."  
"What?"  
"Prepare to meet your shoes' worst nightmare."  
"Wha-" I threw up on his shoes as he started talking again. He ran in circles screaming.  
"EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
I laughed maniacally as he continued to freak out.

*The next day*

Bella (the real Bella, not me) walked into school, and was met with a very angry Fig- I mean Mike.  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH YOU YESTERDAY?????"  
"What do you mean? I was home sick yesterday with a cold."  
"THEN HOW IS IT THAT YOU WERE AT SCHOOL AND THREW UP ON MY SHOES BEFORE FIRST PERIOD?????"  
"What? I don't know what's wrong with you, Mike, but you're freaking me out. I'm leaving now."  
Mike continued to yell, but we don't want to hear that. At lunchtime, I went over to Bella at the salad bar.  
"I think Mike's gone crazy." Bella jumped and almost dropped her plate. She did drop the apple on the floor like in the movie, but it didn't bounce off of Edward's foot and into his hands. It just hit the floor and rolled away. "Sorry I didn't catch it, or bounce it off my foot like Edward did."  
"Who are you?"  
"The one who needs to apologize to you. I'm the reason Mike's gone crazy."  
"Why? It's not like you impersonated me because you couldn't think of a name, and then barfed on his shoes."  
"Um, actually... I did."  
"Oh. Well, congratulations~ I've been meaning to do that for a long time. Wanna be friends and talk about our mutual hatred of Mike?"  
"You mean 'Fig Newton'?"  
"Heh heh. Yeah!"  
"NO." I'll be seeing you again, when I puke on your boyfriend's shoes~"  
"What?"

LOL. This fic was inspired by a "fill in the characters and answer the questions" thing that I found on someone's profile. For almost anything that involved Fig- I mean Mike, I said I'd throw up on his shoes. 


	2. I torment Edward to no end

**I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!****In this edition of My Adventures... I make fun of Mike (what's new), and torture Edward to no end~  
Edward: What?  
NOTHING!  
Edward: . I'm worried.**

The next day, I jumped down from the roof of the school before Mike entered the school and scared him into falling down the front stairs. I followed him and began to mock him as he lay on the ground, covered in mud.  
"HI MIKE~ DID YOU MISS ME???"  
"Who are you and why are you tormenting me?!?!?!"  
"I am your shoe's worst nightmare! And I torment because I hate." I said before making this face ---- :3 "That reminds me..." I proceeded to throw up on him.  
"EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed whilst rolling on the ground, which probably only worsened the situation. Most of the people laughed, others looked disgusted, and the rest looked back and forth from me to Mike and back again. I saw Edward coming toward the school with Bella, and smirked at Bella as she passed by.

*at lunch*

I stared at Bella as she sat with Edward, Alice and Jasper. Every time she so much as glanced at me I would smirk at her, reminding her of what I had said. Edward had taken notice, and he finally got fed up with me and approached me rather angrily. I was very skilled at hiding my thoughts, only thinking that it was something involving him.  
"Who are you and what do you want with me and Bella?"  
"I don't want anything from Bella. It's you I want."  
"Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm already with Bella, now and forever. Why would I leave her?"  
"I never said I wanted you in that way. I'd much rather have Jasper or Emmett. Hell, I'd take Carlisle before I'd take you."  
"Then what do you want???"  
"My secret. I'll never tell."  
"Be grateful that there are people around, otherwise you'd be dead."  
"You wouldn't kill me. You wouldn't kill a human, especially one that doesn't taste anywhere near as good as Bella did."  
"Wait a minute..."  
"Yes Edward. I know your secret. I know all of your secrets."  
"I swear, if you reveal our secret to anyone-"  
"Don't worry Eddy~ I won't tell anyone, so long as you AND your family let me do as I please during my stay here."  
"You're not going to make any of us do anything that we don't want to do."  
"Maybe I'll just reveal your secret anyway..."  
"Fine. But nothing too drastic."  
"I would like to meet the whole clan in person though. Today, after school."  
"Fine. Do you have your own means of getting to my house?"  
"Yes. I know where it is too, so don't worry about that."  
Edward walked back toward the others muttering to himself about "damn humans..." and "why do I have to be so attractive that I have stalkers?" I laughed at him.

*after school*

"Edward, what was with that girl at lunch today? I meant to ask you earlier, but I forgot."  
"Bella, she knows our secret. She insists upon coming to our house and meeting the family. If we don't let her do whatever she wants, she says she'll reveal us to the world!"  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"  
"Hey Eddy~ Oh, hi Miss Bell 'looks like Hell'~"  
"Hi... Whatever your name is. What IS your name?"  
"Call me kb."  
"What do you want with Edward, kb?"  
"I don't want anything to do with him. I just want to do something TO him. You already know what, because I already told you." I said before making the :3 face at her. She made the O.o at me.  
"NOT THAT!!!!!"  
"I've got something even worse in mind for him as well, but I'm not telling you~" :3 "I can hear your thoughts you know."  
"No you can't~ 'Cause I haven't even thought it while you were around me!" :3 "GRRRR!!! COME ON WE'RE ALREADY LATE!"  
"Eddy, with the way you drive, you'll still be early."  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!!!!"  
"Do you really want me to tell everyone? You're practically BEGGING for it." :3 "GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"

*later, at the Cullen residence*

"kb, how did you get here before me?" Edward asked as he opened Bella's car door.  
"I'm magical. But I need to use the bathroom. SHOW ME WHERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"Fine, fine. Come on."  
"Thank you Eddy~"  
"Grrrrr..."  
Now, at this point, if you think you know me even the slightest bit, you'll know I didn't use the bathroom. Instead, I found Eddy's room and looked at his music collection.

*later, when Eddy took Bella to his room*

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Edward screamed when he opened the door.  
"EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bella squealed as she looked into Edward's room, seeing his CD collection (and a numerous amount of other things) covered in vomit.  
"Oh no! Who could have done such a thing?" :3 I said as I looked in.  
"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Edward shouted loud enough to shake the whole house.  
"What?"  
"THAT WAS MY CD COLLECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT FOR YEARS, AND NOW IT'S RUUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"No it's not!" I pulled out his entire CD collection from a random no-place. "See? Perfectly intact~"  
"Then what's all this?" Everything that was messed up had been cleaned and was now perfectly spotless. Edward began stammering and studdering like an idiot, and I just smirked at him, looking really smug. Fortunately, Bella still had enough wit about her to ask me how it happened.  
"Well, I basically covered everything with cardboard, making it appear that I had ruined something dear to him. How I cleaned it all up? I found a way to make it completely disintegrate just before Eddy started studdering. 'Cause I am that damn good." Edward finally stood up.  
"By the way Edward, there was one thing I wanted to do before I left your house today..."  
"And what would that-" I promptly vomited on his shoes.  
"EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Both Eddy and Bella squealed as I laughed. I jumped out the window, laughing maniacally as I fled the Cullen home.

**Long winded; yes.  
Funny; not so much.  
Failtastic; definitely.  
Review hungry; I AM. :3**


	3. I sort of start a dance off with Jacob

**MUAHAHAHA! Wow, it's been FOREVER since I tormented the Twilight world! :3 In this issue of My Adventures... I do something random. :D Oh, and just so you know, in the past chapters, characters (namely the ones who got thrown up on) have quotes where they only say "!". This is because they were yelling something repeatedly (example: EW x a lot) and it probably took up too much space. Not to mention that they had numerous exclamation points as well. My bad. Anyway, with out further ado, CHAPTER 3!**  
**By the way, I only own kb, 'cause that's me. Everything else belongs to their rightful owners.**

"As I was fleeing the Cullen residence, I happened to (literally) run into Jacob Black.  
"HI JACOB!" I screamed in his face. "Why are you creepin' around the forest? People could think you have bad intentions, doing stuff like that you know. They might think you're gonna do something _NAUGHTY_." :3 "Who the hell are you?" he asked, confused as anything.  
"Call me kb!"  
"Okay...? What do you want with me?"  
"Well, I would like you to get out of my way, so I can keep running away from the Cullen house."  
"Why are you running from them?"  
"I'm not really running from them, I- OH MY GODS I FORGOT!" Jacob made the O.o face at me.  
"What did you forget?"  
"I WENT THERE TO MEET THE FAMILY! And in my elaborate plan to vomit on Eddy's stuff I completely forgot!"  
"Uh... Okay then... I'm going to leave now..."  
"WAIT! Don't go back to the wolf pack yet!"  
"WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT- I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about."  
"Poor Jacob. Poor simple, naïve, plump Jacob. I know everything!"  
"...Did you just call me 'plump'?"  
"Yes. Yes I did. Now, can you do me a favor?" :3  
"YOU JUST INSINUATED THAT YOU THINK I'M FAT!"  
"Oh, it's just a saying. Now quit being such a drama llama and go get your wolf pack. Bring them back here."  
"NO!"  
"Poor Jacob. Poor simple, naïve, plum-"  
"FINE! JUST- BE HERE WHEN WE GET HERE!"  
"Yeah, like I have somewhere better to be." I said in a deadpan voice.  
"GRRRRRR!"  
So Jacob ran off, leaving me in the middle of the woods. In a matter of roughly two days, I had managed to piss off at least four people. GO ME! As I did a little dance in celebration, Eddy, along with Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle came up behind me.  
"HI SEXY MEN!" I yelled in their faces. "Oh and Eddy too." :3  
"KB!" Edward yelled back in my face. "ARE YOU INSANE?"  
"Yes. Yes I am. It's a known fact. So, how may I help you gentlemen today?" :3  
"YOU MAY START BY TELLING ME WHY YOU KEEP THROWING UP ON ME!"  
"Poor Eddy. Poor simple, naïve, plump Eddy. I shall tell you the same thing I told Fig- I mean Mike: 'I torment because I hate.' That's why."  
"BUT IF YOU HATE ME WHY DO YOU KEEP STALKING ME?"  
"I realize we're outside Eddy, but do you have to use your outside voice ALL THE TIME?"  
"YES! BECAUSE I'M ANGRY!"  
"Oh man. I hope he doesn't turn into The Incredible Hulk up in here." This comment got a few chuckles out of the others. Eddy only seemed to get angrier. Fortunately for me, Jacob and the wolf pack arrived before Eddy could murderize me.  
"Well, we're here. Now what do you want from us?" Jacob asked, still rather agitated with me.  
"I've got two words for ya: DANCE BATTLE! Oh, and if you're not down with that, I've got another two words for ya-"  
"Dance battle?" Emmett asked as his eyes lit up.  
"Dance battle...?" Jasper said warily.  
"Dance battle... hmm..." Carlisle said thoughtfully.  
"DANCE BATTLE!" the wolf pack screamed collectively.  
"CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!" I interjected randomly. Everyone slowly turned and looked at me like I was crazy (which I had already admitted).  
"Okay... So are we going to get this thing started or what?" Emmett asked eagerly.  
"YES!" I screamed back. "Just let me get the music!" So I pulled a big sound system and big dance floor out of hammerspace, and turned the stereo on.  
"LET'S GET THIS THING STARTED!" I shouted excitedly. Everyone was still looking at me weird. The wolf pack then got into a huddle, and there was much whispering and murmuring amongst them. Emmett tried to get a huddle together, but Eddy refused to participate.  
"This is completely idiotic! It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of! I'm not doing it!"  
"Eddy, now you're desperately asking for your secret to be exposed. I'm just trying to have a little fun around here and you're all 'Oh look at me, I'm Edward and I don't like to have fun because I've got the biggest stick in the universe up my butt, and I'm also frustrated because I can't get-'"  
"DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?"  
"I might, if you quit complaining and just have fun!"  
"Seriously Edward, you need to chill out, man. You can't be wound up all the time," Emmett calmly said to him.  
"Yeah, what this sexy man said," I said, gesturing at Emmett, who smirked at the sexy man comment.  
"I DO have fun! But this isn't fun! This is just making ourselves look like idiots and smell like dogs, just like them," he argued, pointing at the pack.  
"You know what? I'm tired of you and your bad attitude Eddy. I SMITE YOU!" Before he could speak, he was covered in my lunch. He didn't react, he just looked down, looked back at me, and calmly said, "I hate you. I really do."  
"Why thank you Twinkle Fairy~ Now, who's going first?" :3  
"We'll take it from here kb," Jacob said as the pack 'turned their swag on' and strutted to the dance floor. The Cullens cleared the floor, and I magically appeared at the DJ station.  
"Let's do this," Jacob said very dramatically.

*we interrupt this broadcast for a special message because the author(ess) can't really write dance scenes*

HI! So, since I can't really write dance scenes, let me summarize how it went...  
The pack scattered out on the dance floor, and started doing flips and stuff. Jacob went to the middle of the dance floor and started breakdancing. Then Jacob did some acrobatics, and the rest of the wolf pack got into mini-dance fights, and then they all did more flips and ended in a kung fu pose thing. Jacob (who had found a baseball cap somewhere and was now wearing it sideways) got up in Eddy's face. "You just got SERVED." Needless to say this made Eddy even angrier at them, so he finally joined the huddle. Then the Cullens took the floor. All hell pretty much broke loose, with each of them doing their own thing. The wolf pack promptly started booing them. Emmett stood there gawking at them and finally came up to the DJ table. He whispered in my ear.  
"Listen. In case it wasn't obvious, they CANNOT dance as a unit. But there is one song I know that they can actually dance to." He told me the song.  
"This is going to be interesting. Now get down there and dance you sexy man!" I shouted as he left. He stopped and looked back at me. He laughed a little and smiled while shaking his head. When he reached the dance floor, I started the song: **Bad Romance by Lady Gaga.** Once the song started they all stopped what they were doing (thank the gods for that; Eddy looks TERRIBLE doing the robot. or anything for that matter) and started doing the dance from the music video. I wasn't sure if I should have been happy or terrified that they were all wearing tight leather pants for no reason. After the song was finished, the pack simply  
stared with their mouths open. It was Emmett who went up to the pack and said, "No sirs, I believe it is YOU who have been served."

*and now we return to your regularly scheduled broadcast*

"Well that was fun." :3 "No. No it wasn't. Why did you have us wear leather pants?"  
"Because I can do whatever I want Eddy! You said I could." :3 "I hate you so much."  
"No you don't, you secretly love me for helping you have so much fun~ Besides, the fanpeople probably had a field day imagining you four in leather pants. I know I did. Except for you anyway." :3  
"If I wouldn't get arrested for murder, you'd be dead right now."  
"No you wouldn't. 'Cause if you did, you'd cease to exist at this point!"  
"You suck."  
"No, no I don't. You're just a grumpy Twinkle Fairy, Eddy."  
"GRRRRR!"  
"So are you going to tell us who won or what!"  
"Well I have to think about it for a minute Jacob! Yeesh, keep your shirt on Captain Impatience."  
"NO! I'll take my shirt off if I want to!"  
"Oh whatever... Anyway, I've decided! Drum roll please!" *drum roll* "Hey, It worked this time! Anyway... The winner is..."  
"Don't you mean 'winners are'?"  
"NO JACOB NOW SHUT UP! Anyway... The winner is... ME!"  
"WHAT?"  
"Well of course it's me! I got to see a shirtless wolf pack breakdance, and see sexy men- and Eddy- dance in LEATHER PANTS!"  
"Hey kb?"  
"Yes Eddy?"  
"Go jump off a cliff."  
"Aww, I hate you too Eddy~ By the way..."  
"You're going to throw up on me now, aren't you?"  
"No! I've done that enough times already! I'm going to do this!" and promptly ripped his pants off, exposing his Hello Kitty underwear. Everyone laughed.  
"KB!"  
"Heehee~"

**WHEW! Well that probably sucked.**  
**Edward: Yes. Majorly.**  
**No one asked you Twinkle Fairy! What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be washing your Hello Kitty underwear?"**  
**Edward: I hate you.**  
**"Reviews please?" :3  
Edward: Don't feed her ego.**  
**"SILENCE! I SMITE YOU!" He promptly got struck by a bolt of lightning.**

**But seriously, reviews please? I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :3  
**

ï


	4. Randomness with Pix BEGINS HERE!

Please excuse the sudden change in writing style. It was very early/late local time when I wrote this and I wasn't feeling anything like writing it properly. The writing style will return to normal when I write at a "decent" hour. Kthnx.  
Oh, and any text where no one is specified to be saying anything, that's me.

Hello reader people. It's currently 1:40 AM local time, and I'm starting a new chapter, with my bestest friend-  
Emmett: I thought I was your bestest friend! :(  
You are! She's just one of my other bestest friends!  
Emmett: ...Okay... :(  
-gets glomped by me- YAY! :D Anyway... this is Pix! She's just as annoying as me, but twice as dark. LOL  
Eddy: Oh great.  
Pix: Hello Edwin.  
Eddy: My name is Eddy! I mean, EDWARD!  
Pix: Like I said, hello Edwin. :]  
Eddy: ...Why...WHY...WHYYYYYYY?  
Because I said so, now shut the hell up you plump Twinkle Fairy.  
Eddy: Well, whatever! I'm going back into the forest to get away from you fucktarts!  
Fucktart?  
Pix: Fucktart? POP-TART! I HAVE POP-TARTS!  
I LOVE POP-TARTS!  
Eddy: And I'd love it if you fucktarts would SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT POP-TARTS! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY! YOU'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT POP-TARTS! POP! FUCKING! TARTS!  
Pix: Just shut up Edwin. :|  
Eddy: IT'S EDDY!  
Shut up! It's EDWARD! :O

*we interrupt this broadcast for a specially scheduled regularly scheduled program* - I don't even know.  
Random reader: What? Where's the chapter? This is just a bunch of idiots talking about Pop-Tarts! I HATE POP-TARTS! THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME! BRING ON THE GODDAMN CUM-GUZZLIN' CHAPTER!  
Reader, I don't like you.  
Pix: Shut up reader! Wait! I know how to scare the reader off! EMMETT! BRING YOUR FORK! EDWIN! BRING YOUR LEATHER PANTS!  
Eddy: I don't own leather pants!  
Well, bring your Hello Kitty underwear then. That's horrifying enough to make ME want to run!  
Jasper: Damn you reader! How DARE you not like Pop-Tarts! Pop-Tarts are amazing! I'm eating one right the FUCK now! It's blueberry flavored with ICING! AND IT'S FUCKING DELICIOUS! ... I want steak.

Pix: ...  
Eddy: ...  
Emmett: ... FUCK YEAH! STEAK! I'LL BRING MY FORK! :D  
I'm going too! :3  
Pix: You would. :|  
ANDIAMLEAVEMEALONE. :/

And now, we really are bringing you the chapter now!

lol jk.


	5. MORE Randomness with Pix!

Eddy: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. You guys can not... NOT come with me to see the Volturi. Absolutely NOT  
AWW COME ON EDDY :(  
Pix: bring us or you will die... or be exposed either one :]  
Heheheheheh!  
Eddy: NO! I don't care! YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH ME! -runs vamp speed to Italy-  
Well...  
Pix: We're gonna pop up aren't we?  
Mayyyyybeeeee... :3

EDDYWINFRANKENSTEIN VISITS THE VOLTURI...

Eddy: Please. Just kill me now. I have these two humans, following me and popping up wherever I go! At first, there was just one, but she brought a friend, and she's just as bad as the first one-  
Pix: HI EDWIN! :]  
HI EDDY! :3  
Eddy: See! EVERYWHERE!  
Aro: Well, do something to piss us off... you know the rules...  
Eddy: What, you want me to expose myself to humans? Fine! I'll do that! -rips his pants off, leaving him exposing his Hello Kitty underwear-  
Aro -is shielding his eyes-: Edward, we don't mean that kind of exposure.  
Random Volturi guy: MY EYES! MY VIRGIN EYES!  
Eddy: OH, YOU MEAN THIS KIND OF EXPOSURE? -rips his Hello Kitty underwear off-  
Random Volturi guy: -sobs- I'm scarred for life! Which is eternity!  
Pix: Wow... That's a letdown...  
I was going to bring up the 'puke on Edward' gag again, but no amount of vomit could cover how gross this is. O_O  
Eddy: YOU KNOW WHAT? -rips off his shirt, to reveal his chest hair-  
Pix: Yum... Blonde chest hair... that's attractive... NOT! -Pix throws up on Eddy's clothes- :]  
Eddy: I HATE YOU ALL! -gets Hulk angry and burst through a wall into a random nursery that the Volturi have... for whatever reason-  
Aro: Well that was interesting.  
Pix: So... you shouldn't kill Edwin.  
Eddy: IT'S EDWARD!  
SHUT UP EDDY!  
Aro: And why shouldn't we kill him? And/or both of you?  
We have a better idea.  
Pix: IT'S AMAZINGS! JUST LIKE KOFIS! KOFIS IS AMAZINGS!  
Pix, this isn't a wrestling fic. Stop it.  
Pix: Oh, right. Sowwy kb. Sowwy Aro!  
Aro: You mentioned something about a better idea?  
Right right. You should make us vampires, so we can torture him into joining you, just like you want!  
Pix: It's a win-win situation!  
Aro: Hmm... I see your point. I shall consider this.  
Pix -standing next to Aro, poking his shoulder repeatedly-: WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE?  
Aro: Grrrr...  
Pix -now punching his shoulder-: WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE? WHAT'SYOURCHOICE?  
Aro: gajfrjfaf=dewjfkasjodsjf -attacks Pix's neck- OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM -Pix starts having a spaz attack on the floor-

*not even three seconds later*

THAT WAS AWESOME! -starts licking Aro's face- DOITTOME! -lick- DOITTOME! -lick- DOITTOME! -lick- DOITTOME! -lick-  
Aro: GET OFF OF ME YOU RAPIST! -attacks kb's neck much more violently than Pix's- OMFUCKINGNOMFUCKINGNOMNOMNOM!

*10 minutes later*

Pix: DO IT AGAIN! THAT WAS AWESOME!  
Aro: What? There is NO way that the transformation is complete soo fast!  
Pix: We're on crack :]  
That's why we're here! :3  
Pix: Ohhhh... This is real? I thought I was trippin' on acid  
No... if you were Eddy would be in there doing pirouettes and Jacob would be standing here in ass-less chaps trying to seduce you.  
Pix: Ohh right... Where did my acid go?  
I don't know, maybe Eddy does.  
Eddy: IM A BUNNY... LOOK AT ME HOP... LOOK AT MY EARS ... LOOK AT MY TAIL... -looks down at his crotch- LOOK AT... WHAT IS THAT? I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THAT... IT'S KINDA SMALL...  
Everyone else: We know.  
Pix: Edwin owes me 20 bucks for that acid.  
Aro: Dear higher deities, what have we done...? Now we're stuck with them for eternity too!  
Jasper: Does that mean we can have steak together...? Forever...?  
Emmett: STEAK? FUCK YEAH! I'M BRINGIN' MAH FORK! :D  
FUCK YEAH I CAN BE WITH EMMETT FOREVER!  
Rosalie: NO YOU CAN'T! HE'S MINE!  
Ehhhh go die in a hole. :/  
Pix: I CAN MAKE JACOB DANCE AROUND IN ASS-LESS CHAPS FOR AS LONG AS HE LIVES!  
Until he becomes a grampa man and has an old wrinkly butt... :/  
Jacob: My butt will not be wrinkly!  
Pix: Let's hope so. ;) Oh, while you're here follow me this way... -leads him behind a wall-  
BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW! GIT SOME BIOTCH! ;3 -starts humping the wall- YEAH YEAH YEAH! GET IT IN!  
-Pix walks out from behind the wall sees kb still humping the wall-  
Pix: kb! What are you doing?  
Helping set the mooooooooood! ;D  
Pix: WELL THAT'S NOT HELPING! -smacks kb then hands her ten dollars- Here, now go eat stake with Emmett and Jasper.  
EMMETT! JASPER! LOOK TEN BUCKS! LET'S GO EAT STEAK! :3  
Emmett: WOO HOO I'LL BRING MY FORK! :D  
AND A CONDOM! ;D  
Emmett: ...What?  
A NAPKIN! :3  
Emmett: Okay :D  
Rosalie: NO EMMETT! DON'T DO IT!  
Ehhhhhhh go die in a hole Rosalie. :/  
-Pix comes from behind the wall with sex hair and walks up to Emmett- Here you're gonna need this... I know her too well lol -hands Emmett a condom and a napkin-  
Emmett: Ummm... should I be scared?  
Pix: Hahaha you have no idea :]  
Emmett: O.O  
Pix: Don't worry Emmett, you'll like it ;P  
Emmett: What?... I don't get it... does this involve steak?  
Rosalie -jumps out of her hole fast enough to scream-: SHE WANTS YOUR DICK!  
BIG TIME! ;D well at least after steak...  
Emmett: I like steak...  
Me too, Emmett. Me too... -duct tapes Emmett's mouth shut- By the way... ITS NOT RAPE IF YOU CANT SAY NO! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Emmett: MMMMPHMMPHMPHHHHH!  
Pix: Okay well this has gone waaaaaayyyyyy too far lol ummm I think I'm gonna go untie Jacob now ha...ha..ha..  
Lucky: Okay. So were gonna get these two cashmere sweaters. Then we are gonna take them and they will fly-  
Aro: YOU ALREADY USED THAT JOKE YOU FOOLISH LITTLE WEIRD PERSON THING OMG WHO ARE ANYWAY YOU HAVE NO CONNECTION TO THIS FIC IN ANYWAY WE DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!  
Eddy: Yeah!  
All except Pix: SHUT UP EDDY!  
Pix: Edwin...  
Eddy: D'ohhhhh...

**In a semi-related note... I DO actually know a guy named Lucky, and I really did have that dream about the cashmere sweaters, and Lucky was the one saying that line in my dream. Yeah, I know, I need more sleep. :/**


End file.
